


One Candle

by AlyaRayne



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Ending, Enjoy!, F/M, For anyone who doesn't know the ending at least, I'm not sure it even comes across as a past romance but still, Just let this poor Commander rest, Mass Effect 3, Past Thane Krios/Shepard, Shep is done with the Reapers shit 2k186, Spoilers, Still not over the ending btw, very briefly mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 14:22:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20292901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyaRayne/pseuds/AlyaRayne
Summary: Shepard could feel it burrowing deeper into her mind, could feel those whispers at the back of her skull, and for just a moment she wondered if this wouldn’t just be better. Let the reapers win so she wouldn’t have to fight anymore.





	One Candle

Shepard could feel the hard metal under her knees, the air around her cold, almost weightless. It reminded her a little too much of getting spaced, but she was trying not to think about it. Right now, all that mattered was getting through the next few minutes.

The damned AI had told her that synthesis was the best way, the only real way to stop the reapers, but now she could feel why it had wanted this. It was in her head, in her thoughts, just like before when she had shot Anderson. She understood now why it had been so insistent that she choose this.

As if on cue, she heard that odd child’s voice ring through her head. “Good Shepard, I’m glad you decided to see it my way. Now, with your help, I can make all humans see why this is the only path. Your salvation, through your destruction. It cannot be stopped.” She could feel it scrabbling around in her head, could feel it in her thoughts, her memories. Faces flashed in her mind, people she knew, people she had only seen once or twice. An Asari on the Citadel, trying to find her lost mate; a Turian on Palavan’s moon broken and bleeding but still struggling to join the fight again. Thane’s face when he confessed that he was afraid to die, Liara watching her planet burn, Tali’s voice cracking when she found her father. Kaidan’s face on Horizon.

Light flared through her closed eyes and she felt odd, tingling fingers rest on her head. If it used her, then the fighting was over. Humanity would fall, and the rest of the races would be next. But fuck she was tired of fighting, of losing, of being in agony all because this fucker wanted to fulfill some ancient objective of genocide.

She could feel it burrowing deeper into her mind, could feel those whispers at the back of her skull, and for just a moment she wondered if this wouldn’t just be better. Let the reapers win so she wouldn’t have to fight anymore.

The Catalyst hummed behind her, cold electrical fingers pressing harder into her skull, and she knew that that last thought was not her own. She grit her teeth, felt her fingers clench tight, blinding pain shooting up her arm, and for just a second her thoughts cleared. If she stopped fighting, if they all stopped fighting, then this bastard would win, and that was _**not**_ going to happen.

She clenched her fists tighter, nails digging into her palms, her whole arm nothing but pain, her ribs screaming, and she felt a small amount of that foreign consciousness slip away. She could hear the whispers, a thousand voices all talking to her, urging her to submit. A harsh smile split her lips, blood pouring down her chin as the skin opened back up. She felt like death, she was tired and aching, but there was no way in hell she was going to let this fucker use her to destroy her whole species.

She focused as hard as she could on the voices, on the icy presence in her brain that was searching for anything it could use, and under the pain, she felt something. A dark, seething sense of hatred and wrongness. Another surge of light made her lose it, and she gasped, slipping closer to that darkness that so wanted to drag her in. Just like Saren and the Illusive Man, she thought bitterly. Both had killed themselves to escape it, and she had her gun with her, but she hesitated. It wasn’t a fear of death that stopped her. Instead, it was one of the whispers buzzing at the back of her mind. She focused on it, all other senses fading away as the Catalyst dug through her thoughts. All the pain easing, the fear fading. It was almost a relief. Then, suddenly, all at once, there was an explosion of thought and emotion, and none of it was hers.

She felt her muscles tense as a thousand images flashed in her head of species she had never seen before, all being harvested. She saw the deaths of trillions, felt their rage and helplessness, their pain, and she understood. Despite what they had thought, that the reapers were a unified force, they were nothing more than the indoctrinated servants of the Catalyst. It had caused all this, starting with the Leviathans, and going on and on down the line to this cycle. Thousands of reapers, an endless number of lost lives, lost cultures, and she could feel them all. It felt almost like the Prothean beacons, or those visions she’d had of Javik, only much larger. Much harder to understand, but still, she had to try.

“Give in, Shepard. Let your mind relax. You cannot resist.” said the Catalyst in the voice of that dead child. She saw his face, scared and dirty in that ventilation shaft. She saw his escape shuttle blowing to pieces, saw the reapers descending on her home, and rage like she'd never felt before surged through her. Her face felt hot, tears prickling in the backs of her eyes, and she wanted nothing more than to blow this whole fucking station to bits. Destroy everything this monster had touched.

“The hell I can’t.” She growled, using every bit of her strength to force her mind to focus on the whispers, on the many voices of the reapers. “You say that your way is the only solution. You say that you’ve tried other ways and nothing has worked, but you set it up to fail. You do the same experiment over and over again, and then act surprised when it turns out the same. You want to harvest us, you want us under your control. You say that organics and synthetics will never get along, but they have. The Geth and the Quarians are working together after centuries of fighting. One of my best friends is an AI. Your theory is fucking bullshit. And even if it wasn’t, even if you’re right, this still isn’t a solution. You’re insane, and I’m gonna stop you even if it kills me.”

As she spoke, she poured all of her rage into her words, not just aloud, but in her mind as well. She let all of her fear and pain and sadness of the last few years color her thoughts, directing them towards the whispers. There was a pulse of answering emotion, just a small one, but she knew first hand that it only took a spark to cause an explosion.

“You cannot fight this, Shepard. We have already won.” said the Catalyst.

“Go to hell.” She growled, her head throbbing, but she kept pushing, kept pouring the twisted ball of feelings into the whispers. There was a pause, like a gasp, and then a rush emotion so blindingly strong Shepard couldn’t stop the scream that ripped from her throat. It washed over her like a wave, the pain of thousands of different beings waking up to realize that they were trapped as giant machines. The light in front of her pulsed from blue to green, and through the static and the noise in her head, she heard an explosion.

The icy fingers of electricity pulled away from her, the wave of emotion ending abruptly, and she fell forward, barely catching herself on her good arm so she wouldn’t land on her face.

“What have you done?” asked the Catalyst, something like fear in its voice.

“You put them to sleep for a long time. Let's see what they do now that they’re awake,” She grunted, spitting out blood. Everything hurt, and she knew that she wouldn’t be conscious much longer. Just as her vision was starting to fade, she felt the platform she was on start to fall. She knew that they were high enough up that impact would probably finish her off, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. With this thought in her head, she pitched forward, the world going black around her.

***

When Shepard woke, her first thought was that the afterlife should not hurt this much. It felt like she’d been tackled by a charging Krogan straight into a pit of lava. Things ached that she hadn’t even know existed and her head felt like it was splitting open.

Slowly she forced her eyes to open, wincing as the light seemed to lance through to her brain. Despite being brighter than the sun right now, she recognized the ceiling. She was in the Normandy’s sickbay. She tried to turn her head, to see if anyone else was here, but when she did a sharp pain shot through her spine and a soft sound escaped her throat.

Instantly there was a rustling beside her and a gasp. “Shepard! Oh god, Shepard, hold on. Dr. Chakwas!” She recognized the voice as Kaidan’s, and a bit of the tightness in her gut eased. Kaidan was alright.

Not a moment later Karin Chakwas was standing over her, looking tired, but none the worse for wear.

“Hold still, Commander,” she said, and Shepard could hear the sound of the medical scanner turning on. She could just barely see it if she looked down, her eyes burning with the movement. The scan showed her skeleton and internal organs. She could see all the cybernetics that Cerberus had used to stitch her back together, as wells a few new ones on several ribs on her left side as well as her right leg. Some of her organs showed bruising, and though she didn’t need the scan to tell her, she most definitely had a concussion. Well, not as bad as being spaced, but still.

“You’re vitals are normal, though you were in pretty bad shape when we picked you up. I’ll need you to be on bed-rest for the next few days at least. How are you feeling?” asked Chakwas, leaning over Shepard as she spoke.

“N-” Shepard broke off, having to clear her throat, “Never been better, Karin. I take it I’ll live?”

“It was touch and go for a while there, I’ll admit, but miraculously you should make a full recovery. You will continue to feel like you’ve been clobbered by several Krogan for quite a while though, I’m sorry to tell you. Your body is burning through the pain medication faster than we can safely give it to you.” answered Chakwas, expression teasing, worried, and relieved in equal measure.

“What happened, Shepard?” asked Kaidan, sliding into her field of vision. He was bruised and looked exhausted, but just seeing him made a little bubble of relief swell inside her. She wanted to pull him into a big hug, maybe a kiss, but if she moved right now she would probably scream, and she didn’t really want to feel more pain. Instead, she settled for a smile. It still hurt, but what can you do?

“I don’t really know,” she answered, wincing as Chakwas checked her bandages. “There was this thing; an AI. It’s what made the reapers. Thought it was the best way to preserve life, but it was bat-shit crazy. Tried to use me to indoctrinate the entire human race. Guess it didn’t work.”

Kaidan’s warm hand settled over hers and she felt her eyes burn with tears. She couldn’t quite remember everything that had happened on the Citadel, but that burst of pain and rage from the reapers was still firmly planted in her mind. Kaidan being there, holding her even in that small way, made her feel safe in a way she hadn’t in years. It was funny what small gestures could do.

“All I know is one minute, we were getting out asses kicked, and the next a few of the reapers were glowing green and taking off to head for the Citadel. Some of the other reapers tried to stop them, but they ran into the Quarians. We knew you were still up there, so Joker flew like a madman to beat the bastards there. We got there just as you were free-falling on some platform. Not sure how they did it, but Garrus and Vega managed to get you inside and Joker got us the hell out. Not a moment too soon because the reapers went in guns blazing. Latched on to the Crucible like Sovereign did the Citadel. Next thing we know, there’s a bigger pulse of green light and every reaper stopped. All the reaper forces are dropping like flies. Then, one by one they just exploded. Tali and EDI both think it was some kind of internal self destruct thing, but we have no idea why they did it.”

Shepard nodded in understanding, then realized that was a mistake when her brain throbbed in protest. “When the Catalyst was in my head, I used it to try and communicate with the reapers. It was controlling all of them, so I thought maybe if I could just break its hold a little, we could gain the upper hand. Wasn’t a really clear plan, mostly just desperation at that point. Glad it worked.” She said, “You mentioned EDI. So she’s alright? What about the Geth?”

“EDI’s just fine, she’s up in her usual spot helping Joker. That I know of, the Geth also are fine. Why?” asked Kaidan. Chakwas was still fussing, checking the IV bag and fixing her blankets. Shepard didn’t mind.

“The Catalyst said that to destroy the reapers, I would have to destroy all synthetic life. Just wanted to make sure I didn’t.” She could feel the meds kicking in now, her eyelids drooping. She tried to force them open, wanted to keep looking at Kaidan; his dark hair, slightly greying at the temples, his warm brown eyes, the slight smile on his lips. Her eyes slipped shut.

He laughed, deep and husky, and it made her feel warm. “Sleep, Shepard. I’m glad you’re alive. I love you.”

“You too, Kaidan.” Was all she could get out before the darkness washed over her.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from Eve's quote in ME3: 
> 
> It only takes one candle to light a fire,  
and then the darkness is gone. 
> 
> I felt it fit the story pretty well. So, hey I'm not dead! Look at that, I remembered to actually write and upload things! Amazing right? I was less than pleased about the ending to Mass Effect, go figure, so like a good writer I made up my own. I hope everything makes sense, I was hella tired while writing and proofing this. Thank you to my beta TwinkieMonsterTallah for her surprise that there were no actual spelling and grammar mistakes. This time. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little trip down fixit lane.


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